I have an all too familiar problem in this age: far too many things I want to do, but through a lack of effort and focus, doing none of them.

I’ve tried time tracking to try and encourage myself to really monitor time spent on what I’m doing, until that became too much mental effort. I’ve tried time blocking, but couldn’t then follow through on my commitments. Various productivity systems to try and handle and push through my actions in each direction, encouragement through friends, habit forming strategies (thank you, The Power of Habit), on and on the list goes.

Then something comes along, and I fall back on the less than healthy hyper focus on the critical areas in my life, overcompensating for my feeling a lack of agency by enforcing it through ‘productivity’ as opposed to the ‘unnecessary’ distractions of hobbies and interests.

It all came to a head recently where, through therapy, I’ve been reconsidering and analysing how and why I act, and questioned why I put myself through this process two or three times a year. What is it that pushes me to keep trying? Why do I think anything will change? Are these even things that are important to me any more? How important could they be if I don’t spend any time on them?

The importance question was the easiest to answer: they’re important to me because they bring me joy. The fact that I don’t participate in them consistently says more about my negative mental health habits than it does about the direction they take me.

As for why I keep trying, that became clearer after my last session. I have an abundance of ideas and a barely used canvas; I want to see how it’ll look when I start throwing some stuff on there, and learn what feels good in practice vs in theory.

So I try, try, try again. But what makes this time different? External accountability.

First off, I’ll be writing about how I’m doing and progressing each area here for all the world to see and comment on. I’m starting with my three key activities I want to build on:

  • Writing - not just blogging, but fiction and poetry too, to recapture that lost feeling of creating.
  • Reading - both fiction and non-fiction, in particular philosophy and long form articles; the antithesis of Reddit
  • Snooker/pool - to stretch my mind in another way whilst relaxing it in others, and also to build yet another new connection with my wife (more on that this week)

I’ll also be doing micro posts on the more core life areas - DIY, cooking, professional skills - as well as monthly progress and commitment checks.

Secondly, and the bit I’m most nervous about, is I’m going to be using Beeminder to put my money where my mouth is. Beeminder is a site where you set specific activities to achieve on a regular basis and for each time you fail to hit that goal, they charge you money. Plus the more you fail, the higher the charge goes (within limits - you can cap the maximum amount so it doesn’t go crazy). It gives you graphs that show which side of the pass/fail line you currently are and have been, which I’ll be posting here on a monthly basis, stacking external accountability.

The next few posts I’m going to go into each area in detail, then the hard part: getting started.

Let’s get moving.